aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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