Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
