Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
