Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
