So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
