No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
