I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sext me about skeletons
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
