guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
