i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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