I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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