I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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