I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
