Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
