I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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