you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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