Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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