K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
