so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
don't judge my taste in strippers
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
