Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
