Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
