she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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