I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
