wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
