I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i love accidental penises.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
