So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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