"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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