She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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