Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
