dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
