But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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