I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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