You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
