Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
