i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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