she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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