Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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