This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
