Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
