Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
