Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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