Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
