I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
