I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The power of my boobs compel you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
