My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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