You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
