So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
