people are starting to question the shark bite story
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
