holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
