okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
