we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
